Perches

Had a lucid dream during a late-morning nap today.

I had found my way to a walk-in closet/bathroom that my dream-logic told me was part of a mall or house or someplace familiar. I can pin it now as the design of a house of a friend of Sibling's that I slept over in once. In the dream, I knew that it was not familiar, or ordinary, no matter what my brain said-- I knew, I was dreaming.

The scene phased into the stairway of my old home. It wasn't a vivid dream, I could see a kind of graininess as if the world were an aged film-- and it had no smell, or sound, or temperature/pressure/texture/anything. But, it wasn't imagination either because I couldn't feel my sleeping body. I floated up the stairs, rubbing my hands to increase lucidity, and...

A paper macaw (kind of like one of the kites I got in Bali) with light streaming through it, cawed at me to get out. I thought I'd woken up, glancing down at my yellow camisole and red boxers (which, now that I've tried to get that angle again, I'd need a much longer neck) when I'd really woken up (and slept in) a blue camisole and blue boxers and hadn't even fallen asleep with my head at an angle that can see what I'm wearing, so it wasn't sleep paralysis.

In short, it was only a few moments of lucid dreaming and no dream CONTROL at all... but it's something, after three months and not even trying that diligently shy2

I mean, I have been annoyed upon waking, that my dreams these past few months had the feel of a fantasy or imagination ... so I should instinctively have controlled it, if only-- maybe, if only my mind wasn't so naturally deep into it, or if the efforts of control weren't so slight and muggy? But now I know it's just lack of vividness that makes it seem so. I'm not a habitual lucid dreamer yet, but my dreams have always been incredibly vivid so I'm not used to this thin fake fantasy/imagination texture I've been getting lately. Maybe Freud always had dreams like this, leading him to conclude that all dreams were just a kind of wish fulfillment because of the "self-running fantasy" texture. It wasn't a real fantasy, though-- absolutely nothing, even during the dream, fired up motivations or accomplished any goals. This was boring!