The Sword in the Forge

I used to be a very anxious child. To this day, I don't know if it was some metaphysical threat, or something in how my brain was wired and reacting to the environment I was raised, or a combination of the two. It's all a blur of fear.

Perhaps it became a sort of daily, lifelong battle-- one that I never seemed to get better at, and was always hopelessly outmatched by some ambiguous foe who wouldn't even allow me the mercy of dying from it.

I'd hear about some person or other with a metaphysical interest, successfully cursing their enemies or emerging victorious from some spectacular battle, and I thought that I could never possibly be like them, so there was no point in wondering how they did what they did.

It was Erin Pavlina who explained (rather vaguely) how she made her own astral sword, and I took note (especially at how the source quality, Love, could apparently do harm) but never thought I'd really need it. If I can't negotiate with a neg, then I run or go on psychic shutdown or something.

Last year, after watching the movie Insidious, I was spooked... but something about me had changed, by then, into the type of person who would weaponize the psi. Those first swords, actively imagined as katana swords simply because I think those are cool, might have stemmed from a philosophy that I had adopted by then about healthy boundaries. Somewhere along the line, I had developed this idea that I had the right to defend myself.

They appeared in my mind's eye as katana. Perhaps that was a symbol for what was simply the newfound quality and mindset that I had.



Another sword came to me in a dream, several months later. It was, I believe, a numinous dream, because I could envision the sword in waking life consciousness and feel it working some psionic effect that I had to push for the katana to do until I began to suspect that the symbolic visualization was a middleman that could be cut out. This new sword was a rapier, which was simply not as cool as a katana... but, its form wasn't up to me. Besides, it felt far more real-- at least, far more effective-- than the katana. So, I used that sword instead.


On New Year's, it changed. Its hilt used to be black and gold, and all of a sudden it was completely silvery-white from tip to handle. Eventually, it toned down to become a yellowed bone or ivory... staff, I suppose, or a spear without a spearhead. Later, it would shorten into a bone or silver dagger.


During a meditation last night, I noticed that, it's become a longsword, not a rapier. The blade has tempered to a steely gray, and the hilt is golden with a bright red oval jewel set in the cross guard.



It seemed more real to me, if I would simply observe the condition of the sword rather than actively construct one-- psychologically, psionically, whatever.

That said, while observing its changes were interesting, I wonder if I've reached a point of intuitive understanding, now, that I can more actively wield its form.

This isn't only because I watched the White trailer for RWBY and recommended it to bloggers who pointed out the astral combat accuracy so I'm thinking that it looks cool. It does look cool. It also looks like something that I might actually be able to do, and something that would be handy if I did it: add a wheel or something that determines the sword's qualities.

Or, at least, to start thinking of my sword in more critical and analytical ways than, "Yeah, it gets weird and wobbly and changes shape if you look away from it, sometimes. Astral, eh?"